The foreignness in translated prose

As I was reading David Copperfield the other day, I was thinking that there’s a difference between prose originally written in English and prose translated from another language into English. I can’t quite explain. English prose may be elegant or may be clunky, depending on the writer, but I’ve always noticed something slightly different in a translation—something slightly unnatural, something foreign—as the translator seeks to retain ideas and meaning across two languages with different grammar and sentence structure. 

I’m reading The Sorrows of Young Werther (translated by David Constantine), let me grab a sentence: 

“She was no longer young, he said, and had been badly treated by her first husband, did not wish to marry again, and it shone forth so clearly from his account how beautiful she was to him, how attractive, and how much he desired her to choose him so that he might expunge the memory of the wrongs of her first husband—but to make this person’s pure affection, love, and loyalty palpable to you I should have to repeat everything he said, word for word.” (Letter dated 30/5) 

Or look at this one: 

“As we danced between the rows and I, with God knows what bliss, hung on her arm and gazed into her eyes in which the purest and frankest pleasure was expressed with all possible truth, we came to a woman whose sweet looks in a face no longer young I had already noticed and thought remarkable.” (16/6) 

Or: 

“A vast dawning entirety lies before the soul, our senses lose themselves in it as do our eyes and oh! we long to make the oblation of all our being and to be filled with the bliss of a single large and glorious feeling.” (21/6)

Or: 

“How glad I am that my heart can feel the simple and harmless joy of the man who brings a cabbage to his table that he grew himself and enjoys as he eats it the morning he planted it, the evenings he watered it, the delight he had in its thriving and growth, all that, all those good days, as he eats, he enjoys them again.” (ibid.) 

Do you know what I mean? I’m not criticising the translator—I’m saying that there is an awkwardness and oddness of phrase which I think is because these sentences are translated from German into English and the two languages have different sentence structure and their speakers have different ways of expressing themselves.

I know I’m being vague. Let’s see some Chekhov, translated by Constance Garnett: 

“He was bewildered by the electric light, the loud music, the smell of powder, and the fact that the ladies he met looked at him.” (“Three Years”) 

That’s slightly awkward, yes? 

Or this: 

““…We were right, but we haven’t succeeded in properly accomplishing what we were right in. To begin with, our external methods themselves—aren’t they mistaken? You want to be of use to men, but by the very fact of your buying an estate, from the very start you cut yourself off from any possibility of doing anything useful for them. Then if you work, dress, eat like a peasant you sanctify, as it were, by your authority, their heavy, clumsy dress, their horrible huts, their stupid beards. . . . On the other hand, if we suppose that you work for long, long years, your whole life, that in the end some practical results are obtained, yet what are they, your results, what can they do against such elemental forces as wholesale ignorance, hunger, cold, degeneration?...”” (“My Life”) 

Shall we try Tolstoy? Here’s one sentence from Anna Karenina, translated by Rosamund Bartlett: 

“Once dressed, Stepan Arkadyich sprayed himself with cologne, straightened the sleeves of his shirt, distributed cigarettes, wallet, matches, and watch with two chains and seals amongst his pockets with a practised gesture, and, after shaking out his handkerchief and feeling clean, fragrant, healthy, and physically spry in spite of his misfortune, walked with a spring in every step into the dining room, where his coffee was ready waiting for him, and next to the coffee, letters and papers from the office.” (P.1, ch.3) 

There is nothing wrong with this sentence—it’s not at all a bad sentence—but again the sentence structure and phrasing clearly feel like a translation, not something originally written in English. It’s not the fact that these are complex sentences with multiple clauses—I’ve been reading Fielding and Dickens after all—it’s the clauses themselves. 

How about these sentences? 

“In spite of these words and the smile, which Varya found so alarming, when the inflammation stopped and he began to recover, he felt that he had completely liberated himself from one part of his grief. With this action it was as if he had somehow washed away the shame and humiliation he had felt before. […] The idea that he now, having atoned for his guilt before her husband, had to renounce her and never again stand between her and her remorse and her husband, had been firmly decided in his heart; but he could not tear from his heart his regrets about losing her love, nor could he erase from his memory those moments of happiness he had enjoyed with her, which he had so little valued at the time and which now haunted him in all their loveliness.” (P.4, ch.23) 

I know I’m not explaining myself very well. Let’s see this sentence from Tom Lathrop’s Don Quixote: 

“The husband whose wife is adulterous—even though he knows nothing about it, nor has he given any reason to be unfaithful, nor has it been in his power to prevent his humiliation by care and prudence—people will still consider him reproachable and vile, and to a certain extent he’s looked upon by those who know of his wife’s depravity with eyes of contempt rather than compassion, even though they see his misfortune is not his fault, but rather due to the lewdness of his guilty wife.” (ch.33) 

That’s an odd sentence, yes? 

“The old man was startled and so was Zoraida, because Moors have an ingrained dread of the Turks, especially the soldiers, who are so insolent with and contemptuous of the Moors, who are their subjects, and whom they treat worse than if they were their slaves.” (ch.41) 

I don’t mean that there’s anything wrong with translated fiction—many books I read and love are translated from another language. I’m just saying that I’ve noticed some difference between prose originally in English and translated prose, that a translation will once in a while have an odd sentence, that it’s the nature of translation as different languages have different sentence structure and grammar. 

What do you think?