Decide to stop reading
"The gift". The fact that it was originally written in Russian may
have been a factor making it almost unintelligible to an illiterate like me.
All the big words floated about, before my eyes, I couldn't comprehend how they
were connected to each other and what the combinations meant. All those commas,
all those clauses.
I
think, after all I have always preferred Fitzgerald to Nabokov, on 1 hand
admiring his insight and ability to say so much with so few words while
remaining poetic and not simple and journalistic, on the other hand feeling
connected to him on a personal level and inspired by him. Reading Nabokov I am
overwhelmed and full of admiration but intimidated and anxious and self-hating
instead of inspired, for I can't help feeling uneasy with the complicated,
sophisticated words he uses and his vast vocabulary and then hating myself for
my limited intelligence and hopeless lack of talent. There's always a certain
detachment when I read Nabokov, perhaps with the sole exception of "The
real life of Sebastian Knight", his 1st novel in English. Perhaps it's
because Nabokov's always been valued more highly than Fitzgerald? That's
possible, but to make a comparison between Tolstoy and Nabokov, I admire them
both and feel a certain detachment from both of them (which I can't and won't
try to measure), but while it seems like, mentally and emotionally, Tolstoy
strikes me and moves me deeply and makes a profound impact on my thinking and I
think I have learnt something from him, with Nabokov I have to struggle to get
the meaning of the words and then the whole sentences and then the paragraphs
and I get all mixed up and confused in a matrix of words and wordplays and puns
and alliterations and exhaust myself and end up feeling hollow and empty, and
the strongest feeling that remains is the admiration for his undeniable genius.
Nabokov's arrogant, sometimes pompous, and his pomposity can be very tiresome
or at least depressing. I do not mean his books are empty. Nor do I support
those writers who say one should write as simply as possible. Yet his writing
style can, at least once in a while, create a barrier to anyone who walks into
his world. It's horrible, I feel stupid and ignorant- I didn't finish "Ada
or ardor: A family chronicle", I only read a few pages of
"Pnin", a few pages of "Pale fire" and now a few pages of
"The gift". See, an author like Nabokov is dangerous, an author like
Nabokov is a monster. When I read his books I feel stupid. When I put down his
books I also feel stupid.
What
can one do?
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