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Sunday, 25 May 2014

Month of torment- P.2

I know it's irritating- why should anyone take an interest in my lengthy lamentations? But please allow me to be a drama queen this month. Or just ignore this post. 


Been sneezing repeatedly all day. My nose hurts. Runny nose. Sore throat. Sometimes I also cough. 
La vie en rose! La vita è bella!
It's possible that, after several years, I now start having pollen allergy.
I was never so weak [I've just sneezed 3 times] back then in my country but, since moving, have succumbed to various kinds of illnesses and let my shifting moods take over myself, interrupting, affecting all activities. Exams are coming and my concentration's so low these days. Thoughts jump from 1 thing to another, like a racing horse. 
(I may have become a weaker person in other aspects as well. Living in a harsh environment forces one to stay strong, so as not to get broken. Moving to a milder environment, I suspect, makes one weaker, more vulnerable). 
Took a nap earlier, after reading about Elliot Rodger and hearing some insensitive, mean remarks aimed at me, and had another bad dream. In this state of mind I often have bad dreams. I don't know what's worse- to have bloody, haunting nightmares or to see the guy, in my sleep, who last night became more real, more vivid than ever, as though he were standing or sitting right in front of me. 
Too much navel-gazing. 
Now I'd better to get back to my essay on Dostoyevsky and Ralph Ellison. 



Update on 26/5: 
Bad cough (in fact I coughed throughout the exam- yeah, fuck you all). Horrible taste in my mouth. Lethargy, fatigue, distaste. Obviously sick, can't tell if it's pollen allergy or a flu or whatever. 
Does sound like I've been cursed.

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