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Friday, 4 April 2014

Things I've learnt from "CSI"

A/ DON'T MAKE PEOPLE KILL YOU:
1/ Try not to make enemies.
2/ Don't put yourself in dangerous situations. Eg: Don't go with strangers. Don't get any drink from strangers. Even if you know them, pay attention to your own drink in case they drug you. Don't let anyone blindfold you, especially in a 1-night-stand.
3/ Beware people who may envy you.
4/ Don't trust others too much.
5/ Don't let many people know about your allergies.
6/ Don't do things that get on people's nerves, continuously or continually. 
7/ Don't humiliate people, don't attack their weakest points. 
8/ If somebody's doing something wrong, don't tell them that you're going to report them, they may kill you to save themselves. 

B/ DON'T KILL:
1/ Don't let anger get hold of you, what you do when you lose your mind for an instant may cost you your whole life.
2/ Don't bother to take revenge- leave it to karma or God's will or Allah's will or whatever. 
In short, DON'T KILL ANYBODY. 

C/ But IF YOU HAVE TO KILL SOMEONE, DON'T GET CAUGHT: 

1/ Plan.
2/ Don't confess easily till they have evidence.
3/ Be careful of what you say, there can be cameras or microphones.
4/ Trust no one.
5/ Blame someone else.
6/ Throw away your clothes.
7/ If possible, wear shoes of a different size (even a different type) when you plan to kill someone.
8/ If that's not an option, throw away your shoes. Do it before going home, otherwise you may bring home soil or glasses or dirt or whatever from the crime scene. 
9/ Dispose of the weapon, far from home and the crime scene. 
10/ Wear gloves.
11/ Clean up. Burn the whole place down if possible. Don't leave anything behind, except things that can be misleading.
12/ If you arrange to meet someone, try not to do it with your phone, your computer, your email address...
13/ Have a good alibi. 
14/ Don't leave anything that can be searched for DNA, such as semen, sperms, urine, spit, hair...
15/ Stage it as a suicide/ robbery/ burglary, if possible. Self-defence is also OK.
16/ Don't do "strangers on a train". The police know it, at least this motif has been used in "CSI" and "Castle" and who knows what else. If you do, make sure the partner has the guts to do it and go with the plan to the end.
17/ Pay attention to cameras.
18/ Wear some disguise. Either try to be invisible (= be the most average, ordinary, boring, indescribable person ever) or try to draw possible witnesses' attention to peculiarities that they may describe you with: lameness, beard, mustache, another eye colour, another hair colour, scar, tattoo, deformed body part...
19/ If you have to buy anything, pay by cash.
20/ Don't choose a location that can easily be linked to you.
21/ Don't threaten your victim before that. If you do in the internet, don't use your own email address and computer. If you do on paper, wear gloves, leave no fingerprint and use a totally different handwriting. You can write with the other hand, or type, or put together letters from magazines/ newspapers.
22/ At the police station, be careful if they give you something to drink. Don't touch the cup/ glass/ bottle, you may leave your fingerprints.
23/ Stay calm when interrogated, better plan in detail beforehand. Don't change your 'facts'.
24/ Don't use a weapon that can easily be linked back to you. Don't use your own gun, for example. Or, don't use a baseball bat if everybody knows you play baseball. If you buy poison, don't do it with your name.
25/ Make it difficult to identify the victim: cut off fingers, remove eyes, remove teeth, disfigure the face... If you let the fingers remain, clean the fingernails.
26/ Better not keep the body intact. Better to throw into the river than to bury, for example. If you throw it into the river, 1st disembowel the body so that it wouldn't float. 
27/ Better to place different body parts in different areas.
28/ If you shoot, don't stand upright/ don't extend your hand in the 'usual' way. Otherwise the police may estimate your height. 
29/ Walk differently so that they would have a wrong estimation of your height. 
30/ Study your victim: schedule, diseases, allergies, phobias, weaknesses...
31/ Don't keep anything of the victim as souvenirs or trophies.
32/ Don't leave messages, quizzes. Don't try to challenge the police. 
33/ Have perfect control over your own emotions, nerves, facial expressions, gestures... Master the art of acting and lying.
34/ Don't use your own car, especially if it's not an average, forgettable one. If you do, use a different type of tyre. Afterwards, throw the tyres away.
35/ Wash away gun shot residue.
36/ Throw away gloves. Your fingerprints can be taken from the insides of the gloves.
37/Above all, don't post how-to-murder-someone-without-getting-caught tips in the internet. 

Well, that's all for now. There may be more later.

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