99 hours and I decided to allow myself a peek.
many hours of struggle, this comes as a rational choice, not an impulsive,
thoughtless one. As the day is approaching, which can't be avoided, it's more and more pressing to know whether there has been anything over the last 4 days, in order to know how to act. Before me are 2 options, the 1st one is the breach of my own solemn rule and the 2nd one is to preserve it and to proceed in ignorance. As written before, guesses and assumptions ruin relationships, they can be very destructive. Personal experience as well as observation has taught me to avoid misunderstanding as I can. The same way I, when seeing a conflict, talk to both parties and try to hear the story and look at the matter from both perspectives, I don't want to misunderstand people, not necessarily because I'm a sensitive person, but rather because I fear that in rage and bitterness, I may say awful things, which is bad enough if justifiable, but if not, that is, if it's caused by misunderstanding instead, I may regret it for a long time.
One should be flexible.
Am I too flexible? Always able to justify my wrongdoings? Always able to paint myself in a better light?
Perhaps. Let's be straight-forward that I'm the kind of person that, when contradicting myself, I tell people I'm a Geminian, I have double standard, then if they ask whether I believe in astrology, I say frankly that I don't.
Then, is a peek a breach? It's just a peek, 3 seconds at most, then I'll get back. I won't use it afterwards. That should be acceptable, shouldn't it?
After the peek.
Didn't find what I expected. Obviously, ignorance is bliss. Yet at least I know now what to do. There was a bit disappointment, but just a little, after all I was prepared.