Sunday, 19 May 2013


I've just stepped a bit away from my own self, partly thanks to a friend (though she's unaware of it), and realised that there have been times when I get pessimistic and cynical and whine constantly about bad weather and the quiet life in Norway and my SAD and depression that my air of negativity must have bored and tired people horribly. I'd like to convince myself that perhaps talking to me isn't too bad, since there's always something or another about which I can talk passionately for a period and I take an interest in lots of things and can talk about various topics, but, while I can step away from myself and judge myself as an outsider and usually do have a good self-awareness, it's difficult for me to say how one must feel talking to me when I can't really talk to myself and see whether I do it well. But I guess something must be done, when I feel tired of overly negative people then people must also be of me when I'm like that, so I should change. 
Considering how blessed and lucky I am, compared to lots of people. 

(PS: Then again, it's also difficult to say. I may say this now when the sun's shining, may keep a photo of Anne in my room to remind myself to be hopeful and strong, but who knows, when winter comes and the sun goes away and snow appears and the days get shorter, I may sink back into depression with mood swings and suicidal thoughts). 

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