Listening to the envy rising up inside my body, about to erupt like a volcano.
I can't hear my heartbeats.
Thinking of the future scares me. I picture myself wandering about, finding no job and failing completely, as I have always feared. I picture my dream shattered, and my life no more than a sequence of hopes and disillusionments. Up till now my life has been mediocre, I haven't done anything worthwhile, haven't created anything remarkable, haven't achieved anything to be proud of.
In my ears I can hear a voice enunciating "See it now? See it now, megalomaniac?"
Yes, I do. I murmur to myself, and close my eyes.