Sunday, 18 March 2012


So, things do get better. Not that things become wondrous, perfect, fabulous, or whatsoever, but things do get better. Once in a while there are periods of despair, stress, exhaustion, emptiness, self-hatred, misanthropy, life-hatred, hopelessness, doubtfulness, cynicism... but they pass, after a certain time. Even if sometimes, it doesn't stop at bad mood but becomes so serious that it seems as though likely to have a devastating effect, it's never pushed to the extreme. It simply stops at a certain point. I'm full of contradictions- that has at least 1 positive side. I'm not sure if what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, but I know that my pride, my cowardice, and my curiosity are the 3 reasons. 

The mock exams are over. 3 weeks (including the revision week) of sweat, blood and tears! 
Allow myself to have 2 days of trivial and pointless things, 2 days of rest, relaxation and entertainment. 
My brain doesn't function yet, now I'm unable to read books or watch films. It might take a while (hope that it's short) till things get back to normal. Talked for hours on skype with some friends. On Friday after the final exams I fell from the stairs just outside the house and (almost) twisted my ankle. Could hardly walk that day. On Saturday I woke up with a horrible headache, and it got worse and worse, unbearably, during the day, and nothing helped- Salonpas, pill, sleep, rest, water, music. Finally in the afternoon I decided to go out with a friend for some fresh air and a conversation, and, crazy as it sounds, walked home from the town (about 25 minutes, maybe). The headache almost disappeared, and the ankle also felt better. Despite these pains, surprisingly my mood has been quite good, on average. Except the fact that my mom and grandma these days complain whenever I laugh, generally my mood has been quite good. Let's say that I did indeed sprain my ankle, fortunately it happened after the mock exams were over. 
But why I'm in pretty good mood, I don't know. Guess I should thank 1 particular person, who does nothing but does everything. (I apologise for being childishly, embarrassingly and ridiculously over-sentimental, it should have gone by now, this mentality, but at certain times there are certain things that are for some certain reasons uncontrollable). 
Or maybe it happens simply because it happens, just as usual, bad times pass. Maybe I was just very stressed and exhausted that my head was overloaded, and filled with senselessly negative, suicidal thoughts. 
Who cares about why. 
Things get better. 
I'm alive. 

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